Off With the On

It was aqua blue and white polka dot, really low cut and sexy at the cleavage, tiny straps, cut short at the thighs, silky and very feminine.  I wore it to bed, this really pretty night dress.  When I crawled under the covers I felt so sexy, so beautiful - simply because I wore it - simply because it was the most beautiful shade of blue - simply because the silk slid sensually against my skin and reminded me of the woman that I am.

I slid into bed, but not before I purposely stood in the light of the lamp on my bedside table; posing, sorta - imagining that the light created a silhouette of my body somewhere beneath all that silky, polka dot satin.  

I said to my husband, "Do you like it?  Do you like my nightie?"

He sorta yawned, glanced over and said, "I like it.  But I like what's under it even more."

So ... I took it off.

Moral of this story ... Men don't care as much about silk as they do about satisfaction.

It's okay.  I am still going to wear all of my silk and lace and satin.  It makes me feel and look feminine.  And ... I know ... A woman that is desirable clothed will eventually become unclothed ... :)

Whips & Chains ...

One of my Facebook friends posted this status today:  "I truly place the failure of a relationship on men ... women are ready to follow ... but most men are not ready, willing or capable of leading."

I responded with, "I don't agree that "most men" is a fair statement, nor that "women are ready to follow."  I think we live in a society, a Nation, where our women have become so independent and rebellious that they have, through the need and desire to better themselves and fight for "equality", made our men peripheral people and only needed when and for what we need them.  It is not the way I think things should be.  I think the man should be the dominant person in the relationship - period.  I am really not the woman to make such a statement, as I am very dominant in many situations I should probably relinquish power to my man.  I am of a generation/society that has tremendously influenced my actions - even if those actions do not truly represent the beliefs inside my heart and head."

It is not a common way of thinking these days, and many women would rebel against the thought of any sort of submission to men, fearing it would and could and likely will (blah, blah, blah) set women back decades or days or weeks (blah, blah, blah), and negate all the progress "we" have made in equal rights for women.  As a woman, I am all for equal rights for women - right to vote, equal rights in the work place, equal pay, right to serve in the Armed Forces, etc., but I am not talking about taking away any of those rights or reverting back to a state of repression for women - I am talking about giving men back their masculinity and power as MEN.  I truly believe this progressive "women's movement" has taken away men's powers on so many levels.  Through a revolution that has empowered women, men have become pussies.  In their attempt to conform - and they have, on so many levels - to a women's movement that was not only right, but necessary and moral - they have lost themselves.  And women have allowed it and done nothing, really, to discourage or repair it.

I'm not going to go into all the repression that has happened to men, I am only going to say that in a relationship I believe a woman should be submissive to her man.  Like I said in my previous statement, I am not always submissive myself (hahahaha!), but I do believe it is the way it should be.  This is not to say that a couple can not mutually make decisions together, walk side by side in most every aspect of their relationship, no.  But ... if push comes to shove in their world, I believe the power should be relinquished to the man.  I believe that you can never have 2 rulers - someone always has to have the top position.  I, for one, believe that top position belongs to the man (except in bed - then the woman definitely needs to be on top, sometimes - tee hee).  I never want to see a relationship between a man and a woman where the woman rules that man, leads the man.  In that relationship, I say the man is weak and dishonored and sad and forgotten and repressed and ... it is not the way it is meant to be.  If anyone deserves the top position, it is the men.  Regardless of how they attained their power - over eons of years (by repressing women, even) - they earned the power and it is only because they love women - loved their woman - love womankind - that they submitted and conformed to making things different for us.

And ... as for in bed, well ... that is submission at its finest.  Women should never (and I would suggest that most never do) emasculate a man in the bedroom, ever, by not, at least occasionally, becoming completely submissive.  Submitting to a man in bed, in love, in sex is, well ... delicious and perfect.  And who does not love delicious and perfect?  I'm not (necessarily) talking about whips and chains (while there's nothing wrong with that - haha), I'm just talking about the MAN being the MAN and the woman being the woman.  He is the stronger sex - he NEEDS to be the stronger of the sexes in bed.  Period.

We, as women, are powerful, but we definitely have the potential, like anyone powerful, to misuse or misguide that power.  We do not need to go backwards in order to recognize and admit that by repressing men and not empowering them and relinquishing power to them when necessary and right, we are not only hurting them ... we are hurting ourselves and our children.

SEXY

What is a sexy?  Is it in the clothing a woman wears?  Is it how she carries herself?  Is it the way she talks or moves or stands out in a crowd?  Is it an innate trait she possess from an early age?  Is it a power that can be learned or is it bestowed on only a chosen few?

First, we must define sexy.

Sexy:  sexually interesting or exciting; radiating sexuality. Excitingly appealing.

Radiating sexuality - that is what I believe true "sexy" is.  I do not believe that just any woman can put on a "sexy" outfit and it will immediately make her sexy.  It might make her appealing or exciting, but it can not make her radiate sexuality.  It can radiate that she wants sex, but it can not radiate her sexuality - that is something inside certain women that she possesses - a gift that exudes from her naturally.  I believe that true "sexy" is innate (a state of mind, a way of being) in individuals, and not something that can be taught or learned or exhibited simply by slipping on a pair of sexy heels, a short skirt and a low-cut blouse.  I do believe, however, that many, many women can radiate sexuality through print photography.  Even though these women might not truly radiate sexuality, in person, they are able to portray it through photos - through seductive eyes or an enticing tilt of the head or sensual position of her body.  The same goes with art.  Sexy can definitely radiate from some/many beautiful works of art.  And, I do believe that women that do not truly radiate sexuality, can and do learn how to use their eyes and bodies and posture and voices to emulate sexy.  But ... in the world, in our everyday lives, the women we meet are either innately sexy or they are not.  That is my belief.

I have sat in a crowded room many times and observed the women there - at a party, in a bar, on a dance floor.  I have watched and searched for the few that posses this gift - this trait that they were born with - this trait that exudes from them even when some are unaware or even shielding it.   Some of these women are very aware they posses this power, but many are not - they just are, and some don't have a clue what to do with it or how to harness and use it to their advantage.  Some are uncomfortable with the gift and spend much of their time trying to hide it, as people are drawn to them and they do not know why.  Some have learned what a gift it is and have learned how to use it to draw people to them.  And ... those that know it, and know it well, know how to use it - not always in a sexual way - but to draw men and women, alike, to them.  They know this to be one of their strengths and they allow people to be drawn to them through this power.

Marilyn Monroe was the epitome of sexy.  She lived it and breathed it - she was sexy in every sense of the word and the world was drawn to her.  Pamela Anderson has sex appeal, but she is not, in my opinion, innately sexy - she emulates sexy - there is a big difference.  Men will often tell a woman she is sexy, but there are only a chosen few that truly are.  The rest are merely wannabes ...

Don't Forget the Kisses

I read a lot of romance novels.  Some (okay, most - haha) are pretty dirty.  These are not the Harlequin Romance novels my grandmother use to spend hours reading in her recliner when I'd go visit her in West Virginia for the summers.  Nope.  These are modern day romance (erotica) novels that appeal to so many American women in a way that most that read them would never admit.

I bet I have read 10,000 of these novels, by 4000 different authors over the past 10 years or so, and I am going to tell you what I know about what these authors and publishers believe women want and like and desire when it comes to men and sex.  What they write about - because it is what women want to read and they are the sorts of stories that sell.  All of the authors write about the same things, with different premises to their stories, of course, and different characters, etc., but every single romance novel I have ever read have the exact same underlying, or outright obvious, themes.  I am not going to go into every single thing these novels have in common, I am only going to offer those I think are important - those things about men and sex (not necessarily relationships) that women find so appealing and sexy and necessary.  Take notes because it's pretty damn simple.

Women want a man that is stronger than she is.  And, while physical strength is obvious and really sexy, she also wants a man that, even though she is strong and independent, will take the lead in so many situations - like when there is trouble - like when she needs help - like when making plans - like always standing up for her, no matter what.  And when she is in his arms - she wants to feel his strength against her body - his muscles and arms and hands and his desire for her - it all makes her feel like a woman.  And a woman that feels like a woman is desirable on so many levels and more confident in herself and what she has to offer.   It might seem very old fashioned, but women want a man who acts like a man - and that often means that he leads her and she allows that willingly.  It is sexy and appealing - not just for the woman, but for the man.  And, also, because she sees that by relinquishing power to him in situations, sexually and otherwise, increases his strength, it gives her more strength and power.

Women want a man that controls her sexually.  This is a BIG one!  This makes a woman feel feminine and the more feminine she feels, the more she is motivated to perform sexually and the more she wants sex.  When I say "control", it does not mean that the woman does not want to or will not take control sometimes and initiate sex and dominate some situations, BUT ... the more she is dominated by the man, the better.  And ... this can mean dirty play - such as scarves, blindfolds, handcuffs, ropes, etc.  It can mean consensual rough play.  It can mean trying things she has never tried before.  But what is important is that the man treats the woman with the utmost of respect at all times, but pushes her boundaries whenever possible - using his desires for her and masculine appeal to persuade her physically.  Kiss her and lick her and talk to her like crazy - then she might just let you tie her up :)

Women want to be made to feel beautiful and desired and want to know that she is the only woman her man wants or needs.  He can show her this through doing things for her and he can convince her of this by sincerely making a habit of saying the things he believes and she needs and wants to hear.  "You are beautiful.  You are important.  You are smart.  You are needed.  You are courageous and graceful and kind and my whole world."   

Women want to have a man consider her sexual needs and desires.  I have never read one romance novel where the male character EVER had sex with the heroine and he did not make sure she reached her orgasm FIRST.  The men in ALL of the novels I have ever read are constantly in tune with what their women need and want, and their primary goal is to please her - not just first, but always, in every way sexually and in every sexual situation.  This, when written and read, makes this sort of man so very appealing, so very sexy, so very masculine - to put the woman's sexual satisfaction first.

Women want to make love.  And ... women want naughty sex, as well.  There is a difference, but both are necessary to women - not in the same night, necessarily, haha - but in general.  Naughty sex is taboo to so many women - and I would venture to say that many would not even admit to wanting or fantasizing about having anything other than "traditional" sort of sex.  But EVERY novel I have ever read suggests otherwise, because nearly every novel I read has the woman trying things she has never tried before, and desiring to do so.  It's obvious why this would be appealing, sexually, for a man or woman, but so many women can be very reserved about admitting their feelings and desires when it comes to experimenting or allowing herself to step beyond certain boundaries.  Just because she will not admit such desires, it does not mean she is not having them.  I'm not going to go into details on what constitutes "naughty" sex, as that definition would be different to everyone.

Women want and NEED foreplay.  They want their man to spend time touching her and caressing her body - kissing her neck and lips and whispering words of lust and love in her ear.  They want and need their breasts fondled and sucked and licked and ... other parts of her body as well.   They want to touch their man's body and kiss and lick and play.  Foreplay, for women, is not only desired because it is so fun, but essential for persuading her mind and preparing a woman's body to accept a man into her.  It is, plain and simple, HUGE for a woman to have her foreplay.

Women want kisses.  The yummy, lust-filled kind.  They want to be swept up and away with every kiss given by her man.  They want the kind of kisses that make their toes curl and body heat rise and that make her quiver and shake and gasp for air.  She wants deep, passion-filled kisses and kisses all over her body.  All the time.  Kisses.

And there you go.  Six themes that are constant in all the novels I have ever read - suggesting, heavily, that women, no matter what they say, want these things - otherwise why would they buy these books to read about it?  If you have never ventured into the "Romance" section of a book store, you should - just to see how many thousands of books like these exist that women are reading.  And, I do not believe that only the women that are inclined to read these books desire, need and fantasize about these things.  I wouldn't want to suggest that ALL women want these things, but I am suggesting there are a lot of us - romance novel readers or not.

Lose the Pants

I was twenty-two years old.  Even though we were going out that November night to a Country & Western dance hall, my girlfriend said, "Tonight we wear dresses.  All the other girls will be in jeans - so we wear dresses."

She was so smart.  It was on that night - 30 years ago this November - that I met my husband - and that teal colored dress had a lot to do with our meeting.

People often comment that I always wear dresses or skirts - not just out dancing, but almost every day; a sundress, a jean skirt, a long skirt, a short skirt, a maxi dress.  It's true - I seldom wear pants or jeans or shorts.  Sometimes I think my love affair with dresses started that night I met my husband. 

I'm going to tell you what I think about a woman in a dress or a skirt.  I think she is more feminine, that is what I think.  I think she stands out.  I think she is able to freely express her femininity without even truly trying.  I think that a woman can be so beautiful in pants or shorts or jeans and a pretty top, but ... nothing makes a woman more appealing, in my opinion, than seeing her pretty bare legs or a flowing, long skirt to compliment the rest of her female attributes.  A pair of sleek pants with a gorgeous pair of heels and beautiful blouse, can be very sexy.  But ... a pretty short skirt that shows off smooth, long legs in a beautiful pair of high heels is ULTRA feminine and cRaZy sexy!

I think men like to see a woman in a tight pair of jeans or a pair of short shorts.  Men like women in any sort of clothing - or none at all - haha.  But ... I believe men love to see a woman look like a woman, and there is really nothing that makes a woman look more like a woman than a skirt or a dress. (And garters.  But that's another post - tee hee).  Okay ... and there is really nothing that appeals more to a man than a woman wearing ... NO pants (you're welcome for that visual).

Should women dress to appeal to men?  Um ... absolutely!  

A Truth About Men?

One of my Facebook friends recently posted a status that said, "A man will love a woman UNCONDITIONALLY, but first she's gotta look and act a certain way."

First of all, be aware that this particular friend is known to post statuses that are intended to provoke thought and trigger conversation - controversial and otherwise; the posts are not necessarily his beliefs at all.  But sometimes, they are.

I responded to the post, saying that the statement was contradictory and that I did not agree, but it was not the post that caught my attention as much as a comment my friend made later on in response to the thread of comments.  He said, "I think UNCONDITIONALLY is a word women use that don't want to improve themselves."  Again, keep in mind, this response might or might not be this man's personal opinion, but a further attempt to provoke continual conversation.

Now ... what do I think about this statement, "Unconditional is a word women use that don't want to improve themselves."?  

I think there might be some truth to this.  Women are known to be, not only the most complex and confusing of creatures, they are also, often, the most unreasonable and even demanding, when it comes to just about everything.  I should know - I am a woman - haha.  We don't like to admit that we are unreasonable or demanding - we are clever or naive enough (tactics, really, that are passed down through the generations of women that came before us) to believe we can disguise and redefine those unpleasant traits as other things, such as perfectionism or realism or idealism.  But ... I believe that, as stubborn as we can be about so many things, we are the most stubborn - so many of us - about correcting or admitting that we need to change anything about ourselves.  Now, so many of us are on health kicks, from time to time, or addicted to the gym to get into shape, with a genuine desire to be healthier and in better shape, but I can not even tell you the number of women that have said to me, "He can take me the way I am or I don't want him."  And this mostly has to do with appearance, but also includes unattractive attitudes and behaviors the woman refuses to address or admit might need to be altered about themselves.

And so ... is it possible that there is truth that women might say a man does not love her unconditionally when he wants her to look and/or act a different way and she refuses - when she refuses, but his requests are entirely reasonable and logical and even necessary, maybe, for that particular relationship to survive, and/or to make/keep the man happy.  I think, yes.  I think a woman might very well, and do, use the excuse that she is not being loved unconditionally when she is asked or expected to change things about herself (that she can change) that she refuses to change.  I think women can be lazy and I think women, of our generation and younger, have "fought" for equality of the sexes for so long and so hard, that any attempt by anyone to change us (in any way or any manner) is unreasonably seen as a possible attempt to degrade us or conquer us - and we are, stubbornly, NOT having that - haha! 

Is there truth in the statement that a man will love a woman UNCONDITIONALLY, but first she's gotta act and look a certain way?  I don't think this is true, in my experience.  But ... as my Facebook friend said in response to me saying this on his post, "That's because you look a certain way."  When he said this, it spun my thoughts around.  I think ... only men can truly answer this question - I said I don't think it is true, but I am obviously only guessing.  I think what men love, how they love, who they love and why is unique to each man, but if this idea is somehow universal among them, then it not only explains a lot, but it would mean that catching one and keeping them is far less complicated than many women make it.  

I, for one, have no problem trying to do the things that appeal to my man - for him - be it the way I look or the way I act.  However, I am not always successful - sometimes I have acted in a way that hurt him, and yet he still loved me unconditionally.  I don't even know how to explain that - only to say that I am very lucky and he is very loving ... and none of that really has all that much to do with me.

Harper Valley Mermaid

I have often joked that I only ever wear a bra when I go to a school function, such as a PTA Board meeting (which I have sat on many PTA Boards over the last 10 years - believe it or not), or a football game (sometimes I leave the bra at home for these - if it's hot - haha), or Orientation Day at the Elementary School.

I heard in the last several months, somewhere, that it does a woman's breasts more benefit if she does not wear a bra, as it strengthens the breast muscles, leading to less sagging over time.  Well ... I am glad to hear this!  Mine should be really strong by now.

Sometimes, I am going somewhere and one of my kids will notice I am not wearing a bra, and say so.  I always shrug, because, of course, I know this - and it is my way of telling them that this choice I make is MY choice and I will not allow anyone to take it away from me - not even them.  I know that there are people that hate this - that there are people that obsess over the fact that I seldom wear a bra.  I don't care.  I am not living my life to please everybody - and those I do choose to please, take me as I am and tolerate the things about me they do not find "conservative" enough.  Those that do not, do not stay around for very long.

One of my daughter's posted this drawing on her Facebook of this beautiful mermaid (she's considering for a future tattoo).  I made a comment that I thought the mermaid would look pretty with her head thrown back, her face to the sky and her breasts showing more.  One of my daughter's friends (a mutual friend of mine, also) followed my comment with, "Kellan, you think everyone should show their breasts more."   I guess it's true - haha.  I think a woman's breasts are beautiful and so much a part of what makes women sensual and appealing - not just to men, but to the world.  

And, as far as mermaids go ... they never wear a bra and always have beautiful breasts - I think we should see them.  I could be wrong about this.  I don't think so ... :)

For the record ... I'm pretty sure I was a mermaid in a previous life.  It would totally explain my love of water and ... no bra :)

Green is Not My Color

My daughter asked me why I didn't talk to her, she said, "I thought you were friends."

It was an awkward moment.  I really didn't want to explain to my daughter the thing that had happened in that moment when I had seen my friend - saw that she had seen me, but turned away, refusing or choosing not to acknowledge me.

I knew what had happened.  I have seen it before and knew what had happened.  Some things you just know.  Even though you don't want to acknowledge the truth or maybe, even, believe that you are accurate in your assumptions, you know.  Many of my friends tell me that I have the strongest intuition of anyone they know, and that so often it is absolute and accurate.  It is true, as I have experienced its accuracy my entire life, and have come to depend on it to guide me.

Why did I hesitate to tell my daughter?  Because it hurt me.  Not because the friend shunned me, while that was hurtful.  It was because of why I believe she shunned me.  The moment she turned away, I knew why.  So ... this reason hurt me, and ... trying to find the words to explain it to my daughter, hurt me.

But ... I told her.  I told her the woman and I had, indeed, been friends, until recently when it became obvious to me that I made her uncomfortable.  And, my making her uncomfortable, makes me uncomfortable.  So ... when I saw that she had turned away, I chose not to pursue her.  I could have pushed my way past the wall she had suddenly put up, but I chose not to.  It was one of those small moments in life when you choose to save yourself, protect your feelings, over someone elses.  It is not something I do carelessly, but when I finally make that choice, I have concluded that, in my mind, I am right about the situation, and whomever is hurting me needs to be let go.

My daughter pushed to know more.  I didn't want to go into it, as what I would tell her could and might sound presumptuous, could be interpreted as hateful on my part, could be construed as egotistical.  I knew that only years and years of experience with this sort of thing would and does make the situation more understandable.  I did not want to suggest anything to my daughter that might, in anyway, be taken the wrong way and influence her negatively in how she might treat or react to people in her life in the future.

But ... I told her.  I told her the woman was jealous.  I make the woman uncomfortable when I am around her.  It is never my intention, but it happens.  I told my daughter that because I was dressed up and the woman was not, I believed that is why she ignored me.  And when I saw my friend's reaction, my defenses went up.  My defenses went up because, in that moment, the woman made me feel bad about myself, when I had no reason to.  

It is the irony and ammunition of jealousy - the ugliness it can create in one person, can ripple out, a dark cloud that can envelop others in its path.  I told my daughter I would not allow that.  I would not allow a person that felt bad about themselves to make me feel bad about myself, just so it would make them feel better.  I've done it, many times in my life - sacrificed my pride and dignity to sustain and encourage others - only when, and because, I knew I had the strength to continue to protect myself.  I still have the strength and a strong sense of self - I just no longer have the patience for a monster that is unforgiving and rarely tamable.

I saw this quote recently, "Everyone pities the weak - jealousy you have to earn."  There is a lot of truth in this.  I also saw, "Just because she's beautiful, doesn't mean you're not."  There is even more truth in that.

Bare and Bohemian

Sometimes ... I choose the outfit to match the shoes I want to wear.

Sometimes ... I choose the outfit and then search my closet for the perfect pair.

Mostly ... I don't even wear shoes at all.

What is it about shoes that women love so much, aside from the fact that there are so many to choose from, and women love to have a choice when it comes to anything?  With me ... it is the way a certain pair of great shoes can make you feel.  I slip them on and immediately know if the particular pair I've chosen represents my personality well for that day.  I seldom give much thought to the comfort of a shoe over the aesthetic benefits.  If it is a gorgeous shoe and makes me feel gorgeous, I am going to wear them even if they hurt like hell.

Someone asked me recently if I had to pick one pair of shoes to live with the rest of my life, which ones would they be?  I chose ... no shoes - barefoot.  This is not because I would have a difficult time narrowing down all of my shoes (which are A LOT of shoes - haha) to just one pair.  It is because I am truly the most comfortable when I am barefoot.  I am one of those women you might see on a busy city street, carrying her high-heels in one hand and her packages in another.   It is one of the things I like most about shoes - the putting them on and the taking them off.  

It's a dilemma, really, sometimes, for me ...because there are often moments when there is nothing in the world that can make me feel better - prettier, sexier, more together, than an amazing pair of beautiful shoes.   And even though a pair of shoes can make me taller by 3, 4, or 5 inches, and even though they can make my legs look long and elegant and smooth and sexy, and even though they match my outfit perfectly and sparkle and shine in any light ... I will, more often than not, shed those shoes, leaving myself looking and feeling a bit bare and bohemian.  It is what I like most, in that moment.  The feeling of freedom.  The appearance of not being all together, but being completely comfortable with the contradiction, and knowing better.   Clothed and then unclothed.

As beautiful as the perfect shoes can make a woman look - it is my opinion that there is nothing more sexy and appealing and beautiful than a women wearing no shoes at all.  Farrah Fawcett knew this; she seldom wore shoes, and she was one of the sexiest, most beautiful women ever.


(And ... for the record, this is not true at all for men.  Keep your shoes on, except at the beach and in the bedroom - haha!)

Some of Us Mothers

So ... it was National Tequila Day and one of my daughters came home from work, said she and her friends were going out and so she invited me.  Initially, I had said no, but at the last minute I decided to go - join her and her group of 20-something-year old friends.

They were young - some tattooed.  Gages in their ears.  Piercings in their noses.  All so nice and courteous and non-conventional, according to the standards of my generation, but ... ALL included me - a 50-something-year-old mother of one of their gay friends.  

We talked.  I got to know them - where they worked - what they liked to do - how they were spending their summers aside from working.

At the end of the night they hugged me.  One said, "It was so nice to meet you - you're really cool.  You should meet my mother."

Some of us mother's find it amazing that our children grow into these people that find time to make sure they still include us in their lives.  

Some of us mother's find it amazing that these children we coddled and protected and nurtured ... turned into these people that we are so very proud to call our children - and other people are proud to call their friends.

Some of us mother's find it amazing that these children we loved and cherished and raised ... look to us in their young adult lives ... as their friends, as well as their parents.

Some of us mother's find it amazing that these children ... that are somehow, miraculously making their way in this wicked and magnificent world ... are OUR beloved children.

Some of us mothers ... are so very blessed ... <3

Is 50 the New 30?

Is 50 the new 30?  I don't just hope so - I KNOW so.

I have a group of girlfriends who are very much like me.  We are all of the same generation - had the same sorts of parents and upbringing - most have children around the same ages - and we have all said, on more than one occasion, that we will NEVER have blue hair or go easily into the night.  (Well ... unless our man is leading us there - haha!)

One of my daughters works as a cashier at Home Depot.  She was telling me today that she saw this woman walking down one of the aisles.  My daughter said she was wearing shorts, a top tied up that showed her mid-drift and a belly ring in her navel.  I asked how old the woman was and my daughter said, "She was about your age and she should NOT have been wearing that outfit and looking like that."  Now ... my daughter is quite use to me dressing flamboyantly and sexy and skimpy at times, so she is not unaccustomed to seeing a woman my age that pushes the fashion boundaries - haha!  So, when I had the image in my mind of this "older" woman dressed as my daughter had described, I had to wonder how out of place she had to have looked to have caught my daughter's attention. 

It is not all about the clothes and appearance, but that is a large part of how women my age are trying, and outright, defying our age.  We are, not only, more health conscious and fit and living in a time where we have the ability to defy our ages with creams and lotions and hair coloring and such stuff ... we are also defying the standards that society has, in the past, tried to set on us, with regard to the clothes we should be wearing or not be wearing, the lengths and styles of our hair, the manner in which we conduct ourselves in our surroundings.

I go out dancing a lot these days.  With my husband.  With my girlfriends.  Even with my daughters and their friends.  I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have been out and have met and talked to young people standing near the dance floor who were fearful of dancing.  I have encouraged them many, many times - tons of kids - telling them that life is too short to be afraid of this thing that can bring you so much joy and pleasure - that they just need to get out there and not worry about what people think and ... DANCE!  

This is who we are - those of us that fall comfortably into this category of "rebels" (and there are tons of us) that are the "50s that are the new 30".  We are simply living the lives we want - regardless of pretentious boundaries or bizarre expectations.  And ... we want that joy of life that we feel, to not only show in the clothes we wear and things we do and places we go and how we look and in all that we accomplish, but also to possibly rub off on others and to be accepted, even if we appear to be out of place or defiant.  

I believe we are paving a way - setting new standards - not just starlets in Hollywood, but the women like me in your local grocery stores and neighborhoods - paving a way for at least a portion of the present and future population of like-minded women.  Paving the way for a new way to feel, to dress, to express ourselves, to believe, to be.  It might not be a majority, now, or ever, but we are particular and memorable and smart and beautiful and progressive and unique and ... leaving our happy little footprints in the aisles of Home Depot and all over dance floors everywhere.

I hope there are young girls that see me and think, "That will be me someday," and mean it in a good way ... :)

The Sweet Game

Men have always used terms of endearments with women - doll, baby, babe, sugar, hon, sweetheart, etc.  I know of some women that find these terms degrading or offensive.  I am not one of those women.

Growing up, as a young girl in my early teens in Virginia, I can remember finding any and every reason to be near, around and with the boys of our neighborhood.  My girlfriends and I would search them out - in their tree-fort in the woods, in someones back yard, in someones basement.  It might have taken us hours, but we'd almost always find them - 3 girls searching for that group of 4 wandering boys.  Often, they'd include us in their football game or a game of flashlight tag or kick-the-can.  Sometimes there were games of Spin-the-Bottle or Truth-or-Dare.  While I could hold my own in baseball or football - truthfully, my real goal was always the kissing games.

I was one of those girls that liked boys.  I really liked them - all day, every day, more than school or television or food or anything.  And ... boys liked me.  And ... it was not because I was the "foxiest" girl in the neighborhood or the easiest (by far - haha!) - it was because, I think, they were acutely aware that I admired and loved their gender.   And, while my admiration was genuine, when I, somewhere along the way, realized that feeding their egos gained me a hell of a lot of points with boys, I realized that this was a huge part of how to play the game between girls and boys.  Make them feel special because they are special - it wasn't/isn't so hard at all.

From an early age I think I learned (like many girls/women) that boys/men like/love women that like/love them - and also appreciate a girl/woman that is confident and secure in her own gender.  Part of what I so admire about men is their obsessive admiration and love of women.  If you get that, and appreciate it for how genuine, necessary and appealing a trait it is (and sexy) - then the relationship(s) you create/maintain with men are particular and strong.  I truly believe this.  Men want and need to feel masculine and manly and strong and important and handsome and smart and sexy  ... it is not an unreasonable desire, as they ARE all of these things.  And ... it is the duty, in my opinion  of women, to help make men feel all of these things - as, what would and should make them feel all these things more than women?  In return, men make women feel feminine and beautiful and smart and desired and needed and wanted and cherished.   Hand in hand - that is how it should work - the dance between men and women.

Hence ... the terms of endearment.  Doll.  Baby.  Sugar.  Hon.  Sweetheart.  Men offer such names - those sweet terms, as a way to display their love, as a way to lure women, as a way to show reverence for the gender they adore and admire and require to survive and thrive.   Like any term, these sweet words can be used in a derogatory way but ... it is my belief that a woman should (most often) not be offended, but flattered and touched when a man takes the time and is so inclined to call her by one of these names.

The other night I went out dancing in a black and white striped dress.  It was a long dress, tight fitting, low neckline, very pretty and feminine, I thought.  On my way to the bathroom, at one point, a group of men standing nearby said, "There she is - the zebra."  I laughed and smiled and went on my way.  I was not offended - even though I know I am not a zebra, nor do I believe I looked like a true zebra.  What I did was take it as a compliment that they had noticed my dress at all and took the time to make a comment.  Zebras are not elephants or skunks or hippos or lizards.  Zebras are beautiful and graceful and special.  So ... it was sort of a term of endearment.  This is the same reason I do not take offense to the terms sugar or hon or sweetheart.  I am just pleased to be called anything sweet - because what it says is that person believes I am that sweet name or hopes that by using that sweet name I will find them sweet.

There is not a thing wrong with ... sweet.

Or zebras - for that matter - haha!

Lady Maintenance

I spend a fair amount of time on ... lady maintenance.  Nails.  Toes.  Hair.  Skin. Waxing, shaving, plucking, primping, exfoliating, spraying, curling, straightening, polishing, softening, conditioning ... it's sort of exhausting, at times, but well worth the effort to me. 

Why do I spend time doing all of these tedious, time consuming beauty procedures - day after day, week after week, year after year - aside from the fact that I certainly inherited the "primping" gene from my mother and her 4 sisters and my grandmother?  Well ... I do it because it makes me feel good, first and foremost.  It makes me feel good about how I look and feel about myself, and it makes me feel good about how people perceive me.

Now ... all that said, I heard something recently.  It has to do with the appearance and maintenance of a particular area of the female body.  I heard that ... hair is coming back "in style".  Yes, hair - down there ----->

I was at a girlfriend's garage sale not long ago where I came across a box of old Playboy magazines a friend of hers had brought over to sell.  I picked one up and flipped it open.   The first thing that caught my eye was all the girls had an abundance of hair ... down there ------>.  It seemed so odd to me, as it seems to me that it has been many years that so many women have been seriously grooming and eliminating that hair, and it just seemed odd to see ALL the girls so "natural".

There are so many trends that come about - in fashion and such - that sometimes take me months to accept (if ever), and this is one of those Hollywood-inspired trends I am not likely going to accept anytime soon - if it, in fact, becomes the new thing.

Nope - I will still be mowing my lawn, regardless of what the rest of the girls do with theirs :)  

Women - Be Kind to Other Women's Children

Someone told me a story today.  It was one of those stories that, depending on how it is told, can either make you laugh or make you cry.  I laughed, because the person telling me the story told it in a way that made us all laugh.  But ... inside I was angry and disgusted and wished I could have been there.  Wished I could have been there where the story took place so that I could have said the things on my mind when I heard it.  So I could have made it clear that, while we laughed at this story, it broke my heart.

She was standing in line at the soda machines at the gas station with her girlfriend.  Her girlfriend said something to her and so she responded with a sweet sentiment, "I dunno, hon," or something like that.  A woman, maybe in her late 40s, standing nearby, turned and looked - stared at my friend, the story-teller, and her girlfriend.  The look on the woman's face made it clear to our couple that the woman was disgusted.  She abruptly turned away.  The woman went about her business, but then asked (out loud), "Where are the lids to these cups?"  My story-teller says she overheard the woman and so offered assistance, nicely, by pointing out where the specific lids were and telling the woman so.  The woman turned, acting as though she hadn't heard, and rudely responded, "What?"  My storyteller said she repeated to the woman, "There.  The lids you're looking for are there."  And smiled.  The woman then crunched up her 40-something-year-old face and with all the lack of grace and lack of kindness she could muster, she spat the words ... "I don't need your gay help," and turned and walked away.

If I had been there ... I would have stepped right up to that woman who is someone else's child, and said to her ... "Be kind to these children - for they are my children.  If I ever run across yours, I will make sure I am kind to them ... you bitch."

Gimme a Snickers Please ...

She says to me, "When you use to have periods what food did you crave?"  This, a random question in the car, from my 11-year-old daughter.  I said chocolate, but that was right after I said ...

"Okay, okay, okay .... let's just get one thing straight from the get-go - I STILL have the occasional, surprise period from time to time!"  

Why do I feel the need to make this clear?  Because ... when the day actually comes (and it is like a week or two away, I am certain of it) when I no longer have periods, forever - I will then have to admit to myself, and everyone, that I am officially in MENOPAUSE!  I know there are millions of women that look forward to the day when they no longer have to deal with the mess and trauma and inconvenience of periods - but just wait until you get to the point when you are fixing to lose them.  Maybe it's just me, but losing my periods makes me feel like I am going to eventually dry up and wither away.  Losing my periods makes me ever-so-aware of how old I'm getting.  Losing my periods is assurance that I will never have anymore babies (not that I was or could or would want to do that anymore, anyway - haha!).  Losing my periods reminds me of a pretty piece of steak ... turning into beef jerky.

By the way, my daughter hasn't started her period yet, but she informed me that she is certain the food she will crave will be .... beef jerky.

And ... there you have it.

36D

On Facebook yesterday, I posted the status:  I am one of those girls that shows a lot of cleavage ... but I am not one of those girls that lets my cleavage talk for me.  There is a difference.

I suppose that, to men, cleavage is cleavage - that they don't give it much thought.  Well, they probably give it a lot of thought - hahaha - but I doubt they question why one woman is comfortable showing her fluff and another is not.  

I don't mean to suggest that my reasons for showing cleavage are better or worse or even all that different than any other woman's reasons - I just meant to suggest that there are reasons why I do, and I am very aware of those reasons.

First, and foremost - I am comfortable with my body, appreciate the beauty of a woman's body, believe that my breasts are beautiful and one of my assets.  Am I aware of the attention my breasts draw?  Absolutely.  Is that one of the reasons I choose to "feature" them in the low-cut or tight-fitting clothing I wear?  Absolutely.  Am I aware that a woman showing her cleavage is often viewed in a "negative" way by other people?  Of course.  Do I care?  Not in the least.

I am a strong, capable, intelligent woman that chooses to live her life the way I want - regardless of what other people might think.  One of the reasons, I believe, I tend to dress flamboyantly (aside from the fact that I dress to please myself) is partly because I know that the clothing I wear actually contradicts other, equally prominent strengths of my personality.  What I mean to say is - I sometimes do it to see if people will take the time to look past my appearance to get to know the other (equally as interesting) sides of me behind the beautiful breasts.  And, also, to be honest - to piss people off.  I get a certain, odd thrill in seeing someone get riled up over how I dress.  I would never intentionally try to offend anyone, but what I have learned is that there are no set rules or boundaries when it comes to offending people - some people will find any reason to claim something is offensive.

My breasts and the sexy clothing I choose to wear are part of who I am, and express a portion of my personality that I MUST express in order to be ME. But ... I am more than my cleavage if you take the time to get to know me.  In the meantime ... enjoy the view :)