Monday, August 26, 2013

Don't Forget the Kisses

I read a lot of romance novels.  Some (okay, most - haha) are pretty dirty.  These are not the Harlequin Romance novels my grandmother use to spend hours reading in her recliner when I'd go visit her in West Virginia for the summers.  Nope.  These are modern day romance (erotica) novels that appeal to so many American women in a way that most that read them would never admit.

I bet I have read 10,000 of these novels, by 4000 different authors over the past 10 years or so, and I am going to tell you what I know about what these authors and publishers believe women want and like and desire when it comes to men and sex.  What they write about - because it is what women want to read and they are the sorts of stories that sell.  All of the authors write about the same things, with different premises to their stories, of course, and different characters, etc., but every single romance novel I have ever read have the exact same underlying, or outright obvious, themes.  I am not going to go into every single thing these novels have in common, I am only going to offer those I think are important - those things about men and sex (not necessarily relationships) that women find so appealing and sexy and necessary.  Take notes because it's pretty damn simple.

Women want a man that is stronger than she is.  And, while physical strength is obvious and really sexy, she also wants a man that, even though she is strong and independent, will take the lead in so many situations - like when there is trouble - like when she needs help - like when making plans - like always standing up for her, no matter what.  And when she is in his arms - she wants to feel his strength against her body - his muscles and arms and hands and his desire for her - it all makes her feel like a woman.  And a woman that feels like a woman is desirable on so many levels and more confident in herself and what she has to offer.   It might seem very old fashioned, but women want a man who acts like a man - and that often means that he leads her and she allows that willingly.  It is sexy and appealing - not just for the woman, but for the man.  And, also, because she sees that by relinquishing power to him in situations, sexually and otherwise, increases his strength, it gives her more strength and power.

Women want a man that controls her sexually.  This is a BIG one!  This makes a woman feel feminine and the more feminine she feels, the more she is motivated to perform sexually and the more she wants sex.  When I say "control", it does not mean that the woman does not want to or will not take control sometimes and initiate sex and dominate some situations, BUT ... the more she is dominated by the man, the better.  And ... this can mean dirty play - such as scarves, blindfolds, handcuffs, ropes, etc.  It can mean consensual rough play.  It can mean trying things she has never tried before.  But what is important is that the man treats the woman with the utmost of respect at all times, but pushes her boundaries whenever possible - using his desires for her and masculine appeal to persuade her physically.  Kiss her and lick her and talk to her like crazy - then she might just let you tie her up :)

Women want to be made to feel beautiful and desired and want to know that she is the only woman her man wants or needs.  He can show her this through doing things for her and he can convince her of this by sincerely making a habit of saying the things he believes and she needs and wants to hear.  "You are beautiful.  You are important.  You are smart.  You are needed.  You are courageous and graceful and kind and my whole world."   

Women want to have a man consider her sexual needs and desires.  I have never read one romance novel where the male character EVER had sex with the heroine and he did not make sure she reached her orgasm FIRST.  The men in ALL of the novels I have ever read are constantly in tune with what their women need and want, and their primary goal is to please her - not just first, but always, in every way sexually and in every sexual situation.  This, when written and read, makes this sort of man so very appealing, so very sexy, so very masculine - to put the woman's sexual satisfaction first.

Women want to make love.  And ... women want naughty sex, as well.  There is a difference, but both are necessary to women - not in the same night, necessarily, haha - but in general.  Naughty sex is taboo to so many women - and I would venture to say that many would not even admit to wanting or fantasizing about having anything other than "traditional" sort of sex.  But EVERY novel I have ever read suggests otherwise, because nearly every novel I read has the woman trying things she has never tried before, and desiring to do so.  It's obvious why this would be appealing, sexually, for a man or woman, but so many women can be very reserved about admitting their feelings and desires when it comes to experimenting or allowing herself to step beyond certain boundaries.  Just because she will not admit such desires, it does not mean she is not having them.  I'm not going to go into details on what constitutes "naughty" sex, as that definition would be different to everyone.

Women want and NEED foreplay.  They want their man to spend time touching her and caressing her body - kissing her neck and lips and whispering words of lust and love in her ear.  They want and need their breasts fondled and sucked and licked and ... other parts of her body as well.   They want to touch their man's body and kiss and lick and play.  Foreplay, for women, is not only desired because it is so fun, but essential for persuading her mind and preparing a woman's body to accept a man into her.  It is, plain and simple, HUGE for a woman to have her foreplay.

Women want kisses.  The yummy, lust-filled kind.  They want to be swept up and away with every kiss given by her man.  They want the kind of kisses that make their toes curl and body heat rise and that make her quiver and shake and gasp for air.  She wants deep, passion-filled kisses and kisses all over her body.  All the time.  Kisses.

And there you go.  Six themes that are constant in all the novels I have ever read - suggesting, heavily, that women, no matter what they say, want these things - otherwise why would they buy these books to read about it?  If you have never ventured into the "Romance" section of a book store, you should - just to see how many thousands of books like these exist that women are reading.  And, I do not believe that only the women that are inclined to read these books desire, need and fantasize about these things.  I wouldn't want to suggest that ALL women want these things, but I am suggesting there are a lot of us - romance novel readers or not.

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